Self-Regulation is more than just coloured emotions

In many early years settings, self-regulation is often introduced through colourful resources, most notably The Colour Monster and similar materials that link emotions to specific colours.  While these tools are usually well-intentioned and visually appealing, they can unintentionally oversimplify something that is deeply personal, complex, and subjective: how emotions are actually experienced.

When we teach children that anger is red, sadness is blue, or happiness is yellow, we risk limiting their understanding of emotions to a fixed, adult-designed system that may not reflect their own lived experience at all.

Emotions Are Not Universal; They’re Personal

We all experience emotions differently. What makes me angry might not make you angry. What fills me with joy might feel overwhelming or confusing to someone else. Even colours themselves are subjective. I don’t see red as anger:  for me, red feels warm, comforting and safe. When we insist that emotions must always look a certain way, we send children a subtle message, 'that your experience needs to match the one I’m teaching you' and for many children, especially neurodivergent children, this can be deeply disconnecting.

Neurodivergence, Interoception and Big Feelings

Many neurodivergent children experience differences with interoception, the internal sense that helps us notice and interpret what’s happening inside our bodies. Interoception helps us recognise:

·       hunger and fullness

·       tiredness and alertness

·       pain, tension, calm, excitement

·       emotional signals in the body

When interoception is less clear, children may struggle to:

·       notice emotions building

·       describe how they feel

·       link sensations to emotions

·       regulate before feelings become overwhelming

This is why asking “How do you feel?” can be incredibly tricky. Instead, we need to start with sensations and "What do you feel?".

From “How Do You Feel?” to “What Do You Feel?”

 Rather than beginning with emotion labels or colours, we can support children to notice what’s happening in their bodies. Do they feel, full or empty, fizzy or bouncy, tight or tense, spikey or knotted, sparkly, heavy, warm, wobbly. And where do they feel it?

In their tummy, head, throat, shoulders, arms or legs

Once children can recognise and describe sensations, we can gently support them through effective co-regulation to:  Notice, make sense, communicate, seek support and choose strategies.  This is where self-regulation truly begins.

Self-Regulation is learned through co-regulation

Self-regulation is not something children are born with. It develops through co-regulation, safe, consistent relationships with adults who model, guide, and support children through big feelings. Being an effective co-regulator means: knowing your children deeply, pre-empting triggers where possible, acknowledging feelings without judgement, reducing unnecessary waiting, creating predictable routines, fostering belonging and trust, allowing strong emotions in safe spaces, being calm, consistent, and emotionally available. Children don’t learn self-regulation from charts on the wall. They learn it from us, their trusted adults.

A holistic approach to teaching self-regulation

Self-regulation should be taught in the everyday, through real moments, relationships, and shared experiences. But having a clear framework can help adults teach these skills intentionally, especially in small group sessions.  Importantly, self-regulation starts long before naming emotions.  Before children can say “I’m angry”, they need to understand:

·       what their body is telling them

·       what those sensations might mean

·       how to ask for help

·       what strategies support them

The High 5 Approach to self-regulation

 I break the teaching of self-regulation into five clear stages, supporting children to move from body awareness to problem-solving.

Stage 1 – I Feel

What is happening in my body?

Children explore sensations and where they feel them.

Examples

tingly, tight, fizzy, empty, spikey, knotted, bouncy. In my tummy, head, throat, shoulders, arms, legs

Stage 2 – I See

What might this feeling look like?

This stage allows creativity and personal meaning.

Examples

colours (any colour they choose), scribbles, clouds, rain, rainbows, monsters, animals, people, shapes

Stage 3 – I Know

What emotion might this be?

Now we gently introduce emotion words.

Examples

angry, excited, scared, confused, worried, happy, cross, calm

Stage 4 – I Say

How do I ask for help?

Children practise communication and advocacy.

Examples

Help me, be with me, I need space, support me, settle me

Stage 5 – I Solve

What helps my body feel better?

Children build a personalised toolbox of strategies.

Examples

Deep breathing, big movement, time outside, a quiet space, blowing bubbles, drumming, reading a story, having a drink

What this looks like in practice

When I feel tingly, I think I’m excited. I feel it in my tummy. It looks pink and fluffy. I want to tell an adult and share it.

When I feel spikey, I think I’m confused. I feel it in my tummy. It looks like scribbles. I need time in a quiet space and support.

When I feel tight, I think I’m angry. I feel it in my head. It looks red for me. I need big movement outside.

Supporting this through teaching

·       You might read stories like My Huge Bag of Worries, If I’m Upset, or I Am Stronger Than Anger

·       Talk openly about your own feelings and sensations

·       Use body maps to draw and explore sensations and where they are being felt

·       Create individual toolboxes for children

·       Work closely with parents to ensure consistency

The role of the environment

Remember that self-regulation cannot flourish in chaos. Children need environments that feel calm, balanced, predictable, familiar, emotionally safe. Emotional development must be the foundation, not an add-on. When we move beyond lip service and colour-coding, we create space for children to truly understand themselves and that’s where regulation, resilience, and confidence begin.

Want to learn more?

Get in touch to book in some training for you and your team, or join the hundreds of other educators who have signed up to my 8 module online training course and get all the support and resources you need to carry out the High 5 Strategy to self regulation.